


Secret notes

by andonewillbringhisfall



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 19:47:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13958721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andonewillbringhisfall/pseuds/andonewillbringhisfall
Summary: Simon sends Baz an anonymous note.





	Secret notes

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 100% meme-inspired fic. Originally posted on my Tumblr (same URL) a while ago. Simon POV.

It’s fine. This is absolutely fine. No big deal.

It’s just a crush. A stupid, meaningless crush, and it’s just because he’s attractive, it’s not like I have real  _feelings_  for him (not really, well, I do think about him a  _lot_ , don’t I?) and it’s not like I actually want to be with him or anything (but only because I know it’s impossible) and besides, Baz never has to know.

I’m going to write him a note. Like a little schoolboy with a crush. I’m not going to sign it – obviously – I just want to say something to him. I know that he’s cold and distant and will probably sneer at my note and make fun of the sender, but it makes me wonder why he’s like that. Why he can’t express any emotion other than sadistic amusement (and I know he feels other things, because he cares about his family, and he gets angry at me. You don’t get angry if you don’t care.).

I guess I just need him to know that he is loved.

(I mean. I don’t  _love_  him. Obviously. It’s just a crush.)

I ask Penny for a spell to disguise my handwriting. She gives me a knowing look (I haven’t told her anything but she’s my best friend and she’s too smart not to know) and casts it on me. Quickly, before the spell wears off, I grab a spare piece of paper and write:

 _I think about kissing you all the time_.

I fold the note in half and stuff it in my pocket.

I know it’s dumb. I just wanted to be able to tell him that. Even though he’ll never know it was me.

 

*

 

I slip the note into his Magickal History textbook. I saw him with it in the library earlier, so he has no reason to think it was me.

 

*

 

He’s two seats away from me in Magickal History class. Everyone has their heads bent over the questions we’re supposed to be answering, but I keep peering around Rhys’ head, trying to see if Baz has found the note. He hasn’t opened his textbook yet (bloody git probably doesn’t even need it to find the answers).

I force myself to keep my head down. After all, the last thing I want is for Baz to realise I sent him the note.

Finally, I see him reach for his textbook out of the corner of my eye, and I almost leap out of my seat. I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my magic, so as not to give anything away.

He pulls out the piece of paper and stares at it for a second.

Then he looks straight at me.

I jerk my head back down to look at my desk.  _Don’t blush_. I copy a sentence from my textbook onto the page in front of me, even though it probably has nothing to do with the question I’m supposed to be answering.

When I dare to glance back up at Baz, he’s still looking over the piece of paper, his expression calculating. He pulls his wand out of his sleeve and points it at the page.

‘ **New phone, who dis?** ’

 _Fuck_.

I push my seat back and scramble to my feet, almost knocking my desk over in the process.

I’m such an idiot. Of course there’d be a spell for that.

He’s looking down at the note – which probably now has my name on it – and he’s gone completely still. I don’t wait to see how he’ll react. I turn and run out of the room.

 

*

 

I wander the grounds aimlessly. I’m going to have to face him eventually. Maybe I can play it off as a prank. I’m storming through the Wavering Wood when I finally start to calm down, slowing down to a walk. Yes, I’ll pretend I only wrote the note to make fun of him, or to piss him off. That’s not too far-fetched, is it?

I stall for time as long as I can, but then it’s dinnertime, and since I’ll have to see him tonight anyway, I may as well eat first. I go back to the dining hall, where Penny is waiting for me, confused.

‘What happened?’ she asks, but she’s interrupted by someone pulling out the chair across from me and sitting down.  _Baz_. I gulp, and he leans forward, resting his elbows on the table.

‘You can’t avoid me forever, Snow,’ he says with a smirk. I try to meet his stare, but I can’t, so I look anywhere other than his eyes (don’t look at his lips), and I can see Penny watching us with interest.

‘It was just a joke, okay?’ I mumble.

Baz raises one perfect eyebrow and stares me down. ‘And that’s why you ran away, is it?’

Infuriating git, of course he has to gloat. My magic is so heated right now I could probably spell him halfway across the school if I wanted to.

‘No. Yes,’ I stammer. ‘No. I just – forget it. I didn’t mean anything by it.’

‘Snow,’ he says, still watching me with his cool grey eyes, looking so calm I want to throttle him, ‘are you attracted to me?’

I cover my eyes with one hand. ‘No,’ I groan. ‘Crowley. Can we not talk about this here?’

I can practically hear him smirking. ‘Shall we go somewhere private?’ His tone is suggestive, and fuck it, now I just want to grab him by the collar and snog him across the table.

‘No,’ I say again. ‘Please just forget about it.’

I start shovelling food in my mouth, just for something to do, still blushing madly and refusing to look at him. Eventually Baz gets the hint and leaves.

‘Oh, Simon,’ Penelope finally says, patting me on the back. ‘You’ve got it bad.’

 

*

 

I climb the stairs to the room slowly, knowing he’s already up there, and not knowing what he’ll say. I guess his amusement is better than his disgust. (Still hurts, though.)

I find him sitting on his bed with a book, and I expect him to start mocking me or sneering at me again, but instead his eyes follow me across the room with an expression I can’t decipher. He’s not smiling, though.

‘What?’ I ask finally, turning to him and crossing my arms. ‘Can we just move on? Don’t worry, it’s not like I’m –’

‘Do you like me?’ he says, his voice low. He frowns. ‘Or is this just some passing thing, because I’m your roommate, or because you don’t want us to hate each other – or – or, I don’t know, some act of rebellion.’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ I say.

‘It  _does_  matter!’ He stands up, his hands curling into fists.

‘Why?’ I just wish this day had never happened. I shouldn’t have written him that note.

He bites his lip, still frowning. ‘Because. Because I don’t just think about kissing you, Simon.’

I draw a sharp breath. He walks over to me, and my heart is pounding so loudly I’m sure he can hear it.

‘But you’re right,’ he says, ‘it doesn’t matter, because even if I knew you were just playing with me I’d still let you take whatever you want.’

He takes my face in both hands and kisses me deeply and I close my eyes, reaching for him, grasping at the back of his neck to pull him closer.

‘Baz,’ I say, pulling my head back, and it’s all I can do not to just forget everything and melt into him. My magic is sparking at my fingertips, but I can feel Baz’s too, spilling over and making my skin tingle (or maybe that isn’t the magic, maybe that’s just him doing that to me), and Crowley, it feels like a dream.

‘Baz,’ I say again, tilting his chin up, making sure he’s looking into my eyes before I continue. ‘Baz, I want  _you_ , okay? I’m not playing. I do like you. I like this.’

‘Okay,’ he whispers, ‘me too, Simon.’ He reaches for my mouth again.


End file.
